Last night I dreamt that Allie and I were hanging out at the store she worked at and it was her last day there. After school, I hopped on the expo line to go pick her up. The store was also an Ikea cafeteria. I decided to throw some Swedish meatballs in my mouth while I ignored the broad that interviewed me and decided not to hire me. As an aside, she made the wrong choice; I’m awesome.
As I continue to shovel the meatballs into my mouth hole (weird because I hate Swedish meatballs), Bruce Willis shows up with McLovin from Superbad. I wanted nothing to do with the nerdy kid and asked Bruce to sit down. He was taken aback by my lack of star awe. I struck up a conversation with old balls Willis which was basically me describing the affair I had with a pilot while still at WestJet. He seemed to be losing interest quite quickly when Allie slinked over. Suddenly (kapow!), there were Lucky beers in our hands and we’re looking for our keys to all shotgun them. The entire time this was happening, I was silently panicking that I wasn’t going to be able to get a picture with/or of him that he’d sign for Krystal. We continue to party with Bruce when people start flailing out of the building screaming random words like “BOMB”, “AHHHHHHHHH”, “GET TO THA CHOPPA”.
Okay, okay, no one yelled out any Arnold quotes.
Just like that, Bruce and Allie had disapparated* and I was in my tiny bachelor apartment, located on a farm. The couple in the apartment below me was in the midst of an epic “domestic”. I looked out my window to see the woman, running from the house only to be stopped with an axe thrown by her “man” which seemed to find it’s new home in the side of her skull. At this point I start an internal battle between waking up and helping her in the event that she really exists somewhere deep within my psyche. I chose the former and awoke to the pang of a sore throat and thick sense of guilt.
*Shout out to Harry Potter.
As I continue to shovel the meatballs into my mouth hole (weird because I hate Swedish meatballs), Bruce Willis shows up with McLovin from Superbad. I wanted nothing to do with the nerdy kid and asked Bruce to sit down. He was taken aback by my lack of star awe. I struck up a conversation with old balls Willis which was basically me describing the affair I had with a pilot while still at WestJet. He seemed to be losing interest quite quickly when Allie slinked over. Suddenly (kapow!), there were Lucky beers in our hands and we’re looking for our keys to all shotgun them. The entire time this was happening, I was silently panicking that I wasn’t going to be able to get a picture with/or of him that he’d sign for Krystal. We continue to party with Bruce when people start flailing out of the building screaming random words like “BOMB”, “AHHHHHHHHH”, “GET TO THA CHOPPA”.
Okay, okay, no one yelled out any Arnold quotes.
Just like that, Bruce and Allie had disapparated* and I was in my tiny bachelor apartment, located on a farm. The couple in the apartment below me was in the midst of an epic “domestic”. I looked out my window to see the woman, running from the house only to be stopped with an axe thrown by her “man” which seemed to find it’s new home in the side of her skull. At this point I start an internal battle between waking up and helping her in the event that she really exists somewhere deep within my psyche. I chose the former and awoke to the pang of a sore throat and thick sense of guilt.
*Shout out to Harry Potter.
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